presentyourbadge | 001 [video/action for New Bark Town]

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001 [video/action for New Bark Town]

[Would you look at that. There's an Aipom on screen. She seems to be enjoying herself, giggling and batting the Pokegear from one paw to one paw to tail and back again, causing the video feed to rattle and only catch the barest glimpses of her trainer, who is (unsuccessfully) attempting to get the Gear back.]

Come on, do we really need to do this just as I first get here? Really? (This is just like last time --)

-- aha! Okay, you. Give it to your best friend Phoenix, now. That's it.

[She doesn't come quietly. Phoenix pries the device from his unruly Pokemon and, at last, comes into proper focus. He's a man in his thirties, blue eyed and sharp haired, and is glancing around himself with a vague sense of familiarity.] Well. It's good to be back, Johto. ('Good' being a generous term, okay?) Your taste in music hasn't changed, I see -- is, uh, does this thing still work? [Phoenix pauses, looks a little confused. He experimentally taps the device, frowning just so.] Well! Guess I'll have to hope so. There's no way I'm going to keep up with any of this new Pokemon technology. It's bad enough keeping up with technology in my own world. (I bet Trucy would know how to use this. And by 'use it' I mean make it disappear.) [Is she here? She could be. Phoenix makes a face; that's one thing he is not looking forward to experiencing again. Multi verse mechanics. He's too old for this.]

Anyway. This is Phoenix Wright, attorney at law, speaking. Normally, this would be where I start my investigation, but...

...I'm confused. What am I doing back here?

Regardless...if someone wouldn't mind giving me a hand, or if you have any information about this world, give me a call. I don't have an office yet, but if it matters that much, maybe I can find a few cardboard boxes lying around to fashion a makeshift agency out of. (That might be an improvement ,actually.)

[Anyone around New Bark Town is welcome to engage! He'll probably be trying to get his Pokegear back from the Aipom again, or attempting to engage the locals in a thrilling discussion of how surely Johto's legal mechanics must have improved at least a little since he was last here.]

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Great, a lawyer. That's just what this place needs.

[A middle-aged man with a surly expression shows up on screen. There's a growling sound from somewhere close, and the camera jerks to show a Mightyena tugging on the knotted rope he has in his hand.]

What do you do, divorce? Sue people for selling their coffee too hot? Or are you a good old-fashioned ambulance chaser?

[He grunts and the Gear jerks as the Mightyena gives a hard pull back. Blake lets the Gear fall onto the bench so he can grab onto the rope with both hands.] Take it easy, Vince.

[ ... when WAS the last time someone called him an ambulance chaser? When was the last time he, in all his indignant, hot blooded glory, had gotten offended at the very idea of being called something like that?

Now, though, Phoenix just cracks up.]

Oh, haha, no way. I'm just your average, perfectly sensible, do-good defense lawyer protecting the innocent and all that.

I defended a whale once!

[...is he joking? It's hard to tell. He's clearly taking Blake's comments with some definite comedy in mind.]

[Most of the time when Blake runs into a lawyer, they end up real pissed off real fast. It's not often he hears one laugh. Puts him right off his game.]

Oh yeah?

[He makes a triumphant hah! as he gets the rope away from the Mightyena. The dog hops up to plant his paws in his lap and yap excitedly.]

A whale, that's not right. You're supposed to be on the side of your kindred spirits. You know, the bottom feeders.

All right, all right, keep your ass on, I'm throwing it. [That'sto the dog, who goes running when Blake tosses the rope across the park.]

You wouldn't believe the number of animals that are in need of legal counsel. [And, well, those cases usually wound up being about the owners and not the animals, but regardless.] It's definitely a problem. Someone has to defend them, right?

[Still unclear if he's joking or not. His Aipom, though, seems to be interested in the game happening in the background, tilting her head towards the screen curiously.]

I get it, you're one of those PETA assholes. You keep the crazy idiots who throw red paint at ladies in fur coats from going to jail.

[He snorts as the Mightyena dumps a slobbery rope in his lap so he can yap hello at the screen.]

You're gonna have your hands full around here.

I -- no. That is definitely NOT what I do. I was. [THAT WAS A JOKE. Sighs. No one appreciates him and his sense of humor around here. A crime, really.] It was a weird case, alright? Maybe not my weirdest, in hindsight...

[LOOK AT THAT CUTE PUP THO. The Aipom on Phoenix's shoulder is excited to see another Pokemon, and excitedly chirps at the screen, with Phoenix attempting to shush her in the background.] (Hey now, easy, easy.)

What I mean to say is -- I've won plenty of trials in my years as an attorney, and exposed plenty of criminals along the way. Proving my client's innocence is my job.

[Blake's sense of humor is more the shoving people in the mud and laughing about it kind.

His sense of bravado and one-upmanship won't let him leave that.] I've been a cop for decades. I've seen every kind of weird case there is.

[His Mightyena hops the - goddamn heavy - front half of his body into Blake's lap and barks at the Gear.] Looks like Vince Lombardi likes your hand-monkey.

[He gives the guy a sour look, just in case he's tempted to think that means Blake likes him.] You mean your job is to get these assholes back out on the street, whether they did it or not.

Edited 2015-02-26 06:24 (UTC)

[Blake, that is so rude. Phoenix raises an eyebrow.] I've been a lawyer on and off. For...maybe a decade. About a decade. At LEAST nine years or so? If I'm 34 now... [He needs to do the math, okay? This is not his strong suit.

What an...unusual name for that Mightyena. Phoenix wonders if he might be compensating for something, but keeps his thoughts to himself. His Aipom likes the dog well enough, it seems] She seems to like almost everyone, so I'm not too surprised.

[Phoenix frowns, shakes his head.] Sure, there are lawyers like that. I'm not one of them, though. I only defend clients who are innocent.

[Blake raises one right back.] Shouldn't you be keeping track of that?

[You mean a great name for that Mightyena.

He snorts a laugh at the sheer balls it takes to say that.] Holy shit, you even got that out with a straight face.

Well, I was out of practice for...maybe seven years or so. But that doesn't mean I wasn't focusing on other law-related things at the time. Like overhauling the entire court system, for one. [He's basically done that twice now.

Also, he doesn't appreciate Blake's attitude, and frowns.] ... what do you mean?

What, you're a politician, too? [Blake gives the pointy-haired guy a look like he's something poison with a stinger.] God damn, that's like being a bank robber and a Jehovah's Witness.

[His eyes roll up.] I mean we both know the kinds of guys who end up on the stand are there for a reason. You know you've let plenty of scumbags get off scot-free.

...I guess? There was some politics involved, sure, but that part wasn't really my expertise. [He made some powerpoints and talked a lot. Which is basically politics.

Phoenix gives Blake a stern look. Now, that's one thing he's not going to stand for.] I don't, actually. Considering we've been able to catch the real murderer in every case so far. [Phoenix has never put an innocent person in jail. He's going to stand by that till the day he dies. Hell, the thought has nearly given him an identity crisis on multiple occasions.]

You can't go changing these systems without fuckin' politics. So you always get politicians and lawyers poking their fingers in, screwing with things they don't understand.

[Blake's still annoyed that he has to read people their Miranda rights.

He scoffs out loud.] Lawyers don't go out and catch murderers. They stay where it's nice and safe and push paper.

You have a point there. I'll admit that I had to be a little more...shrewd, I guess, than I would have liked. But there's really not much else you can do. The system doesn't really lend itself to being changed.

[He's speaking pretty frankly, here, even if he does look back on those years with a bit of guilty embarrassment. He'd be a very jaded, very bitter ex-attorney with more ulterior motives than he'd like to admit...although he likes to think he did good working with the jury and Mason system, even if it wound up discontinued.

At that, Phoenix can't help but snort with laughter.] Okay, okay. Paperwork, I'll agree with. But I'm being completely honest when I say that apprehending the real murderer has always been a crucial step to proving my clients' innocence. I don't think the judge would even think of giving a not guilty verdict if it weren't for that.

Besides...it's my job as a defense attorney to always search for the truth. It's what I do.

That's because every time somebody tries to screw with it, they make it that much harder for those of us who're trying to get our damn jobs done.

[New rules and regulations to work around, just what they need. Pain in the ass.

At least this guy has a sense of humor. Usually they get all high and mighty on you. Blake's still not buying it, though.]

You're telling me you run out in the middle of a trial and try to catch the bad guy yourself. And here I thought the rule was establish a reasonable doubt.

...in that case, what are you supposed to do if the current system is actively invested in trying to make sure you don't do your job?

[YOU WOULD THINK GETTING AN AUTOPSY REPORT OUT OF SOMEONE WOULD BE EASY. HAH.

'Humor' is Phoenix's middle name. Actually, it's probably closer to 'Sarcasm'.]

Well, sort of. Most of the time the real murderers end up on the witness stand themselves.

[Blake snorts] Welcome to my damn life. Every time you try to get something done, there's somebody shoving bullshit regulations in your face. Meanwhile, the crackheads and murderers you're trying to handle, they aren't playing by anybody's nice little civilized rules. And every time somebody has the bright idea to come stick their nose in and "fix" it, that means more goddamn red tape.

[He has some feelings and opinions on this topic. There's nothing like some bureaucrat coming in and telling you how to do your job. Fill out the forms in triplicate this, No you can't punch him over and over until he cooperates that. Pain in the ass.

His brow furrows. That's a hell of a distraction from his train of thought.]

What? You have a weird-ass court system where you're from.

...I can see where you're coming from there. [Different methods, similar problems. Phoenix can empathize.] I've had times where I've known for a fact that someone was guilty, but because I was missing just one piece of crucial evidence, it didn't even matter. It's frustrating, to say the least.

[Also it lost him his job for seven years.

Phoenix shrugs, throws up his hands.] Hey, I've tried to change it! Only works for a trial or two before it's back to the old ways again. I'm starting to think the courts just hate me. They definitely see my ugly mug there enough as it is.

Hah, tell me about it. All the shit you have to cut through just to point out the obvious.

[And evidence turning inadmissible for the piddliest damn reasons ~~like that you "encouraged" somebody to cough up a confession~~. Utter bullshit.

He almost feels a hint of sympathy for the guy, and sympathy for lawyers is a sign of impending insanity.] Courts are full of shit. Bleeding hearts always trying to find some excuse to pat a criminal on the ass and let him back on the street.

But who the hell is calling the murderers up as witnesses?

[Ok, that is NOT a valid reason to be irritated with the system. Bad Blake. Go to your room.

Phoenix nods.] It does seem that way, sometimes. It's amazing just how far some prosecutors will go to get an innocent person declared guilty. [Bribery, threats, physical violence, fake evidence, kidnapping...you know, typical things.

At that, Phoenix just shrugs.] They usually won't come willingly. It's only once we start getting close to the truth that they panic, testify to try and cover their tracks. [It never works. Sure makes Phoenix's job easier, though.]

Sometimes it's even the prosecutors themselves that wind up being the guilty party.

[Sure it is!

Blake gives him a dark look.] And amazing how far some guys'll go to get a guilty bastard off.

But if they're actually innocent, usually the real guilty one's out a hundred miles away. You must have some strange, strange luck.

Or how far they'll go to get an innocent person declared guilty for the sake of their perfect record.

[An equally firm look right back at him. Phoenix has to assume the court system is at least a little different than his own, but...still.]

Maybe. What usually happens is that they're sloppy, and know that if they don't do something to intervene, they'll get caught in no time.

-- not that it's helped them much in the end, as far as my own cases go.

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001 [video/action for New Bark Town]

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